You best not mess with antilitter vigilantes.

My beau, Greg, is a mild-mannered man but something – perhaps prolonged exposure to me – has made him the biggest anti-litter advocate on the planet. He’s not so much interested in sweet lectures on roadside blight as he is in what I’d call a more forceful approach.

So you can imagine that Greg’s temperament would make him an excellent road trip buddy. I had no worries when we hit the road for Asheville, NC a few weekends ago with nothing but blue skies and good vibes.

Somewhere south of Grant County on I-75, Greg startled me from my public radio-induced slumber with, “Hey! That guy just threw something out! Can we bust him?” The red Jetta in front of us had chucked a wrapper out the window and Greg was all about using his powers as a Litterbug Spotter to send the offending litterer a nasty letter. Unfortunately, Litterbug Spotters can only rat on jerks who choose to drop their trash in Boone County and we were many miles south of that by now.

I told Greg the news. Much grumbling ensued.

A few moments later, something else sprung from the hand of Jetta man. It was a small plastic bag. It blew up along the hood of our car. It wrapped itself around my antenna. It stayed there, flapping in the expressway wind, a trash flag in our antilitter faces.

“That’s it!” Greg announced.

He stomped on the accelerator and weaved through the obscene Memorial Day traffic, chasing the red Jetta, all the while our litter ornament waggled on the antenna in front of us. After some seriously crazy driving, we were able to pull up alongside the two time litterbug. Greg honked and the man in the Jetta looked up to find two irritated environmentalists, gesturing to the plastic bag on our car and making other, less polite, gestures. He turned the same cherry-red color of his car and then zoomed off.

Normally, I don’t condone this sort of behavior. I’m in the business of educating people and using wisdom as a way to change mindsets and I find that angry outbursts often only hurt the cause.

But. I have to be honest. Showing that man his behavior was offensive felt good.


Would you mess with this?